Friday, June 13, 2014

The Dread of Yadnom

     I wake to starlight shining through windows as shadows lick my wounds. My head spins from the drug induced coma brought on by the toxic mix I chose last night as an escape from the murderous dread that had settled upon me. I feared then as I do now what this day brings.
     4am is always loud. Every noise amplified beyond any logical reason. The winds caressing my window resound with witches unkempt fingernails scraping against the glass. As if the accosting dread this day brings is not enough to warrant my total fear of proceeding past my domiciles exit, I now face a sudden onset of paralysis inducing panic, burdened by the knowledge and understanding that my time runs short as the grating screams emitting from the witches nails dance on the winds held at bay by only a thin sheet of glass I tremble.

     I taste and feel it like tiny daggers of fear piercing my mouth holding fast my tongue, leaving the metallic taste of dread in its wake. Of all the things to suffer, of all the terrors to behold…today I fear the most. A cycle of never ending torment born from necessity starts as I place my feet upon the floor and rise to face my torment. Shaking hands and quivering feet do little to stop the endless march of time catapulting me towards the confrontation that has repeated itself more times than I can recall.

     The last two days were precious to me, I will cherish the time we had. I will remember the gentle touch, your sweet smiles. I’ll cling to them as I walk through the darkest of valleys. Yadrutas and Yadnus wait for me, wait for the cycles to pass through the clock ticking death away until we can once again be together. Hold me in your thoughts and lend me your courage your strength to face the darkness of Yadnom. For the time has come to confront the horror held upon the rising sun. Death waits to take its due in the hammering echo of time ticking away second after murderous second.

     Here I stand resolute, knowing the boldness I show to be only a facade hiding the terror and tremors that rack my very soul. With shaking hands I open the door to face another week of work.