Why the hell do some people have no sense when it comes to clothing themselves? I was at the grocery store yesterday and saw two disturbing things, first was a woman in her late fifties dressed like a teenager. The other scaring thing was a woman and man both wearing clothing that didn’t fit. I don’t mean that their clothes were slightly tight in some places, I mean that the clothing didn’t cover the skin it was designed to cover. Here is a math equation for you, a five hundred pound man plus a size medium shirt equals what? VOMIT! ! ! ! This “couple” both were well fed and lived up to the American standard of being obese, in fact I think they won the trophy and will be damned if they ever loose it. His shirt didn’t cover past his bulging belly and half of his gut hung below his waistline and was not covered, his shorts hung below his ass with not a hint of Hanes in sight. The Mrs. Wasn’t any better, she wore a tube top that exposed her ginormous sagging window shades for fleshy mammary’s, her gut hung just as low as her handsome significant other and her spandex leggings showed off her kankles wonderfully. Eck…. Sorry I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I don’t get it. People should learn to wear something that actually fits and doesn’t make them either look like an idiot that doesn’t understand that clothes don’t make you young, besides being young has so many disadvantages. When you are young you don’t realize you don’t know everything and haven’t experienced love, loss and life. By the way I am going to write to my senator and request a bill be introduced that people have to have a permit for wearing skin revealing clothing, showing off what you have is a privilege not a right people.
I’m going to go barf now, I’ll catch up with everyone soon.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Facebook Told Me So It Must Be True.
Well it's 09/09/09 while I'm writing this. Just wanted you to know that I find this cool. Plus I didn't get to really date anything today so I am putting on here just to make myself feel smiley.
I just spent the last hour writing what I thought would be something entertaining, but turns out I am a pompous asshole full of himself with a self-righteous attitude that needs adjusting. I wrote on the subject of how technology is impeding our ability to communicate with each other, how Facebook and Myspace are evil for helping us become a society of isolated depressants. I cited source and referenced information that backed up my statements and as I wrote I realized I am just full of shit! I might hate the fact that I get stupid forwarded text messages saying things like “I had 3 idiots with me today, I still have 2. Where the fuck did you go?” Or the ones that say if you don’t send this to someone in the next ten minutes you will have bad luck for the next 3 years. We all know that is all bullshit, but damn I find myself either responding with an shitty remark to whoever sent it to me or saying Damn I better send this because I need all the luck I can get! Oh…wait… I don’t believe in luck. So oh well, I won’t be forwarding any of those dumbass text to anyone. By the way, don’t send me any of those I will send you back nasty, rude remarks to you since I know you will be doing it out of spite to me now that you know I hate them. Put your phones down before I send you a virtual slap!
I was saying that I had just spent too much time writing on something that would make me a total hypocrite. I hate Facebook and Myspace, but I am on them all the damn time thanks to my Iphone. In fact thanks to Facebook and the quizzes they have on there which I am sure were created by some very intelligent individuals that more than likely are Rhodes scholars I have now discovered that I am 100% asshole! Oh and that since I like the color Blue I’m an honest and kind individual. Also that I like big cities, and 90’s music and coffee. If it wasn’t for Facebook I never would have known these things about myself. In fact I feel SOOOOO much better about myself now that I understand why I have a cup of coffee in the morning and think about how much I miss the large city I used to live in and read the morning news while listening to Nirvana. Have you taken these tests on Facebook? They are absolutely life changing! I have learned so much about myself that I never would have figured out on my own. You should try them, in fact I recommend that you quit your job and stay home for a month just to take the facebook quizzes that are available. They will surely make you a better human being, actually stop reading this right now and go take one, it will make you feel good about being you.
Ok, now that you have that out of the way lets continue this debauchery. Twitter, facebook, myspace and whatever else is out there are amazing tools for avoiding those we love. I use them on a regular basis to avoid my family, for instance if I see an update from someone in my family that they are heading to wal-mart I avoid that place like the plague! If it says one of my friends is heading to the bar, I happen to just show up there hoping they buy me a drink. But these tools also offer another valuable service to those of us who are single. These social sites allow us to investigate people who we happen to meet or are interested in meeting, it’s amazing the kind of stuff you can find out. For instance the other day I was out eating lunch with a business acquaintance and our waitress happened to be cute. So being that I was on a work lunch I did my best to behave and not be my normal slut self and start flirting in an attempt to get the girls number and eventually the girl into bed. Yeah, that lasted about ten seconds. A personal best actually! One of these days I’ll make it to a full minute of behaving myself before I start to attempt to get into a girl’s pants. As the lunch progressed so did my flirtation with the waitress, don’t worry she flirted back so it wasn’t that creepy one sided crap that happens from time to time. By the time we were ready to pay for our lunch she came up and handed me a card with her name and number on it, which I gladly accepted and promised to call her sometime. I look at the name and something about it strikes me as familiar. I can’t quite put my finger on it until I think of where I’d heard this name before. It hits me like a small freight train, and to confirm my suspicions I call my sister. The conversation goes something like this. “Hey sis, what is the last name of the guy you are hanging out with lately?” Sister respond with a name and I ask “wasn’t he married?” Yes she says. “Do you know where his ex works?” My sister doesn’t skip a beat and names the restaurant that I had just had lunch at. I then tell her about the girl that had waited on me and that I was sure it was her current “friend’s” ex wife. Her only question to me was “well are you gonna sleep with her?” Now you know you have a reputation when your sister is asking if you are going to sleep with a girl you just met that turns out to be the ex wife of the guy she is shagging. I could only say to my sister that I was thinking about it. I then turned to the wonder that is Facebook and found this young lady. It took a very short amount of time to skim through her profile information and find that she is in a relationship, has a kid and is from what I can tell bi-polar. So with an educated view on the attractive waitress I promptly put her number on a shelf where I quickly forgot about it.
I have to say that out of the two major social networking sites of Facebook and Myspace I prefer Facebook. I prefer it because I don’t get my emotional chain jerked constantly by getting friend request from very good looking women who say sweet things like “I’m lonely and I see you’re single. Want to come keep me company?” or “I just moved here, can you show me around” Well for those who don’t know about these friends request, if you click on them it turns out they are just ads for porn sites. Facebook allows you to see a Twitter like feed of information about who is doing what without having to get through an MTV layout and thirty adds like on Myspace. Though I have had some fun with Myspace a few years back when I discovered it is an easy way to meet girls and not have to actually pay for dates until you get at least a little info out of them. If you are wondering if anything ever came of those meetings from Myspace, actually yes. I have met some really great people through it and had some really good times with them. I’ve also met total fucking psychos who need to be locked up and never let out. I don’t think I need to go much further on explaining those meetings right now, which is another blog for another time. Just remind me to tell you about the “World Tour” or the time I quit using girl’s names in bed. Great… Now I don’t have a way to close this damn blog. I’ve been working on it for more than two hours and can’t figure out anyway to close it… well good thing Facebook told me that I am 100% asshole because I am just going to leave you now.
I just spent the last hour writing what I thought would be something entertaining, but turns out I am a pompous asshole full of himself with a self-righteous attitude that needs adjusting. I wrote on the subject of how technology is impeding our ability to communicate with each other, how Facebook and Myspace are evil for helping us become a society of isolated depressants. I cited source and referenced information that backed up my statements and as I wrote I realized I am just full of shit! I might hate the fact that I get stupid forwarded text messages saying things like “I had 3 idiots with me today, I still have 2. Where the fuck did you go?” Or the ones that say if you don’t send this to someone in the next ten minutes you will have bad luck for the next 3 years. We all know that is all bullshit, but damn I find myself either responding with an shitty remark to whoever sent it to me or saying Damn I better send this because I need all the luck I can get! Oh…wait… I don’t believe in luck. So oh well, I won’t be forwarding any of those dumbass text to anyone. By the way, don’t send me any of those I will send you back nasty, rude remarks to you since I know you will be doing it out of spite to me now that you know I hate them. Put your phones down before I send you a virtual slap!
I was saying that I had just spent too much time writing on something that would make me a total hypocrite. I hate Facebook and Myspace, but I am on them all the damn time thanks to my Iphone. In fact thanks to Facebook and the quizzes they have on there which I am sure were created by some very intelligent individuals that more than likely are Rhodes scholars I have now discovered that I am 100% asshole! Oh and that since I like the color Blue I’m an honest and kind individual. Also that I like big cities, and 90’s music and coffee. If it wasn’t for Facebook I never would have known these things about myself. In fact I feel SOOOOO much better about myself now that I understand why I have a cup of coffee in the morning and think about how much I miss the large city I used to live in and read the morning news while listening to Nirvana. Have you taken these tests on Facebook? They are absolutely life changing! I have learned so much about myself that I never would have figured out on my own. You should try them, in fact I recommend that you quit your job and stay home for a month just to take the facebook quizzes that are available. They will surely make you a better human being, actually stop reading this right now and go take one, it will make you feel good about being you.
Ok, now that you have that out of the way lets continue this debauchery. Twitter, facebook, myspace and whatever else is out there are amazing tools for avoiding those we love. I use them on a regular basis to avoid my family, for instance if I see an update from someone in my family that they are heading to wal-mart I avoid that place like the plague! If it says one of my friends is heading to the bar, I happen to just show up there hoping they buy me a drink. But these tools also offer another valuable service to those of us who are single. These social sites allow us to investigate people who we happen to meet or are interested in meeting, it’s amazing the kind of stuff you can find out. For instance the other day I was out eating lunch with a business acquaintance and our waitress happened to be cute. So being that I was on a work lunch I did my best to behave and not be my normal slut self and start flirting in an attempt to get the girls number and eventually the girl into bed. Yeah, that lasted about ten seconds. A personal best actually! One of these days I’ll make it to a full minute of behaving myself before I start to attempt to get into a girl’s pants. As the lunch progressed so did my flirtation with the waitress, don’t worry she flirted back so it wasn’t that creepy one sided crap that happens from time to time. By the time we were ready to pay for our lunch she came up and handed me a card with her name and number on it, which I gladly accepted and promised to call her sometime. I look at the name and something about it strikes me as familiar. I can’t quite put my finger on it until I think of where I’d heard this name before. It hits me like a small freight train, and to confirm my suspicions I call my sister. The conversation goes something like this. “Hey sis, what is the last name of the guy you are hanging out with lately?” Sister respond with a name and I ask “wasn’t he married?” Yes she says. “Do you know where his ex works?” My sister doesn’t skip a beat and names the restaurant that I had just had lunch at. I then tell her about the girl that had waited on me and that I was sure it was her current “friend’s” ex wife. Her only question to me was “well are you gonna sleep with her?” Now you know you have a reputation when your sister is asking if you are going to sleep with a girl you just met that turns out to be the ex wife of the guy she is shagging. I could only say to my sister that I was thinking about it. I then turned to the wonder that is Facebook and found this young lady. It took a very short amount of time to skim through her profile information and find that she is in a relationship, has a kid and is from what I can tell bi-polar. So with an educated view on the attractive waitress I promptly put her number on a shelf where I quickly forgot about it.
I have to say that out of the two major social networking sites of Facebook and Myspace I prefer Facebook. I prefer it because I don’t get my emotional chain jerked constantly by getting friend request from very good looking women who say sweet things like “I’m lonely and I see you’re single. Want to come keep me company?” or “I just moved here, can you show me around” Well for those who don’t know about these friends request, if you click on them it turns out they are just ads for porn sites. Facebook allows you to see a Twitter like feed of information about who is doing what without having to get through an MTV layout and thirty adds like on Myspace. Though I have had some fun with Myspace a few years back when I discovered it is an easy way to meet girls and not have to actually pay for dates until you get at least a little info out of them. If you are wondering if anything ever came of those meetings from Myspace, actually yes. I have met some really great people through it and had some really good times with them. I’ve also met total fucking psychos who need to be locked up and never let out. I don’t think I need to go much further on explaining those meetings right now, which is another blog for another time. Just remind me to tell you about the “World Tour” or the time I quit using girl’s names in bed. Great… Now I don’t have a way to close this damn blog. I’ve been working on it for more than two hours and can’t figure out anyway to close it… well good thing Facebook told me that I am 100% asshole because I am just going to leave you now.
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