Good morning, it’s been a couple days since we last visited and though it has been rather uneventful for me in respect of finding things of entertainment I am not without something to say. Those who know me well know that I am rarely without comment, so the prior statement will cause some of you to roll your eyes… Yes I saw that Deb!
October is upon us and I fucking love it! I have to say my favorite season is fall, I enjoy spring and watching everything turn green and come back to life after a long winter of being coated in brown’s and white’s with gray skies and a bitter wind biting your nose. I like cold weather more than most people I know, but I won’t say I love it. I enjoy summer for what it offers in the way of entertainment. Summer offers hot days perfect for being at the lake riding the jet skis and flirting with the girls in their bikinis. But fall is my favorite season for a few reasons, first and foremost is I love the weather! I love waking to temperatures in the forties or even in the thirties, I love taking my cup of fresh brewed coffee out my front door and breathing in the crisp air. It vitalizes me; it’s almost as good as that first breath after holding your breath underwater after being dunked and held under in the deep dark of a murky lake by those you thought loved you. The fall morning breath though isn’t preceded by moments of sheer terror and fear of loosing your life. Of course this thought might also have weight in the reason I prefer fall over summer, less chance of being drowned by people that you trust. Anyway, while standing on my porch this fine fall Saturday morning I couldn’t help but think of how nice it would be to wake up and walk out my door and not see the houses across the street from me, which of course led me back to my dreams I had last night. The dream I speak of had a young girl about the age of eleven blowing up Wal-Mart’s. A thought I find truly funny and brings a clown sized grin to my face while enjoying my coffee. Speaking of clowns, a side note to that thought I recommend anyone who is a fan of comedies and zombie movies to go see Zombieland, it was absolutely hilarious! Fall though is a time of a few of my favorite things. Bonfires with friends, chili, nights spent curled up on the couch with a blanket and a girl watching movies, and breaking out the heaving comforter for the bed! You might think me strange but I am a fan of tossing off the blankets to the chill of a morning tickling every exposed pore of flesh first thing in the morning. This time of year the leaves start to fall and everything that has been green for months change and show the personality that each living thing has, during the fall vibrant colors come out that you wouldn’t expect from places like Oklahoma. For instance, if you drive down 71st street in Tulsa by memorial you will see trees turn bright orange and red which is set off by the still green grass of the lawns there and the red brick lane throughout that area. Fall churns up some of the best memories; in fact I would say that I am most nostalgic this time of year. I have come to realize I feel nostalgic this time of year partly because I know that a long winter is ahead and I better enjoy the last coughing breaths of warmth left over from summer. More pointedly though is that in the back of my mind I know this is the time of year where things leave, trees hibernate, grass turns brown and starts to die and before long we see the desolation left after life has left the frail world we live in. I guess I have to say that at this moment I feel my mortality more than any other time of year, not by any act of tragic making but by natural reminders that we are nothing more than tiny insignificant bits of carbon and if I’m not careful I will have done nothing in my life to leave behind something that will make this planet a slightly better place for those I leave behind. But thanks to modern medicine and science I get to live twice as long as my great great grand pappy and great great aunties and uncles. But still in the grand scheme of things of a planet that has been around for a few million years, seventy years of my life is but a minor spark. But because I realize this I feel inspired to change that spark to a burning white hot phosphorous grenade. Though we might all burn shortly due to the limited time of life we have a choice is given to each of us of how brightly we choose to burn. Some might say if you burn to brightly you burn out too fast. I say, if you think like that it is simply because you are afraid of stretching yourself beyond your comfort bounds. Try something new, like yoga or even yogurt but try something new. Fall reminds me to step out and help when I would be inclined to pass by the person broke down on the side of the road. Fall helps remind me that humans have the greatest capacity for good or the ability to be the biggest assholes on the planet by not caring.
Ok I’ve gone on long enough on this, but I want to leave you with a teaser for what I am working on. It’s a story from a few years ago when I was even less capable of considering other peoples emotions or feelings. It’s a story of a double date that brings out the worst in me. This was the night that I earned the title of “fucking asshole”. Yep it’s true, just wait and see.
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