Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Halloween came and went this last weekend and I want to say that I am rather pissed off at those little bastards who neglected to come by my door and take my candy! I like Halloween, I think it’s a fun holiday that I hope the right wing psycho conservatives don’t get their way and have it removed from America’s holiday schedule. I like most everything about the holiday, I enjoy the time of year it arrives in. I love the idea that we get an opportunity to give other peoples kids sugar and hype them up and not have to deal with the consequences directly. I love the idea of being anyone you want to be for just one day, just a few hours to let loose and let your inner child play and be whatever you want to be. Sometimes those are scary monsters and sometimes you end up seeing men dressed in their wife’s cloths and not ashamed to flash some leg and ass while they are at it. I think it’s a wonderful chance for children to get to play dress up and that the adults can play along for at least once a year. I love seeing what people arrive in, some are ghouls and some are naughty Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. I didn’t have anywhere to go this year so I stayed home and passed out candy…well I wanted to pass out candy. Turns out that people didn’t take their kids down my street, even the bastards that live in my neighborhood decided it wasn’t safe or profitable to trick or treat in my neighborhood. I went to the store and purchased several pounds of candy, I’m talking bags and bags folks! I turned my porch light on, opened my front door, had stickers on the big bay window and had the curtains open so that everyone could see the big bowl of candy sitting there for any who would be brave enough to just ask. I started at 6pm and waited, then waited some more… waited some more… forty five minutes later I have my first trick or treater’s. They were a couple kids that must have been under six as they couldn’t even say trick or treat; they just stared at me with blank faces. No I wasn’t dressed as Zombie Jesus, I thought that might be a little traumatic to the little monsters. It took another hour before my next set of kids arrive, they took a few pieces and left. By this point I was starting to worry because it was nearly nine pm and I had only made two trips to the door with candy. My worries were soon put to rest as shortly after the second set my third trip to the door was made and much like the first it was the neighbors’ kids and they are both rather young and made no effort to say trick or treat. By this point I was sure that I had much more candy than I needed to survive the night. So I look down and the two girls and say “take as much as you’d like kids!” they just stare at me… I was rather frustrated at this point and said “here” as I reached into my bowl and grabbed a large handful of candy and stuffed it in each of their buckets. They were the last kids of the night. Let me tell you I am a little surprised by this, I guess Halloween just isn’t like it used to be when I was a kid. I remember the few years when my parents were evil sinners and decided to allow us to trick or treat we would be out till ten or later asking for candy. We would hit our neighborhood, my grandparent’s area, my aunt’s block and just about anywhere in between. I remember collecting enough candy to last till Easter most years. But now I guess it just isn’t safe to take your kids to a guy’s house who offers free candy to small children dressed up as their favorite characters…. Wait that sounds creepy… Maybe parents shouldn’t let their kids go door to door asking for candy!


  1. Man, I don't know if you remember this or not, but even when we were kids there was a big scare about candy we kids received on Halloween. "If it's not in a sealed wrapper, don't eat it" was the motto, and when that wasn't enough everybody had to take their candy to the hospital for free X-rays to make sure there weren't needles and other sharp objects inserted into the candy.

    As well, I'm not sure I remember Halloween as positively as you do. First, it always seemed to rain on Halloween night. I remember that I was Megatron one year, a homemade special of cardboarded boxes painted white and strapped to my arms and legs. It rained that year torrentially, and my custume practically dissolved off of me. Needless to say, I remember being rather upset. Second, I also remember having to pose for pictures at every crazy relatives house: Mom & Dad's to start, then both sets of grandparents, and finally whoever else thought we were cute enough to take a picture of. Easter was the same way, we had to have our pictures taken as though posing for in a lineup. Good times. Then finally, there was the actually candy. I always received a butt-load of those damned peanut butter things; you know, the ones that were wrapped in black and orange paper wrappers and tasted like dried out commodity peanut butter. As well, people really had affinity for passing out those rootbeer barrels -- an insanely hard candy that tasted like chewing tobacco smells. Anyway, the cool stuff -- candy bars, nerds, pop rocks, etc. -- very rarely made it into my bag. Then there were the weirdos who occassionally gave out pocket change. Like I would rather have a nasty nickel and three grubby pennies than a snickers or a serving sized bag of candy corn. Oh well, this is starting to turn into my own rant. Sorry for hijacking your blog, man. :)

  2. See that's the problem with parents today, they are over protective of everything when I was driving home from work on Halloween.. I seen trick or treaters I was like awesome I love Halloween and there was a kid walking up to my door and he had a walkie talkie on his hip.. he got the candy from my girlfriend and then he grabbed the walkie-talkie and told his mom that he got the candy and he was coming back to the car.. so I thought that's safe and then I watched him walk down my driveway and tell his mom to come pick him up and she was just around the corner waiting for him and they went to the next house and did the same exact fucking thing? I mean come on really when I was younger I was out til 10 or 1030 trick or treating so that just ruined Halloween for me completely.